This one landed in my inbox today complements of my friend Dan.

The Golfer
He left  home around 8:30 to play golf with his friends.
On the way  out the door, he answered his wife’s “What time will you be home?” question with
“Probably  around 1:30 – I’ll have lunch at the club.”

1:30 came  and went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home.
Finally at  about 7:00 PM he rolls in the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and  presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.

“We  finished our game about 11:30, had lunch and I started home, when alongside the  road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car.  I stopped to  help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my  hands.
She  offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy  me a beer.
She said  there’s a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a  bit.
I agreed  to stop, we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized  that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion  to spend time with.
Before I  knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex.
And that  is why I am so late getting home.”

His wife  looked him right in the eye and said
“Don’t  bullshit me — you played 36 holes, didn’t you?”